E1: Scaffolding

 FADE IN:

INT. PRINCETON GENERAL HOSPITAL - DAY

A man, HANK SMITH (48), is being wheeled out of a hospital ward by a doctor. He is talking to his son, LESLIE SMITH (14).

HANK (dismissive) Don't worry about me, Leslie. Your pops is gonna be back to building schools and hospitals in no time.

LESLIE Still, Dad, it's kinda scary that they put cement in your spine. Isn't that stuff supposed to be outside?

HANK and LESLIE enter the lift.

HANK Nonsense! There's no such thing as a place where something is supposed to be. As long as there's a use for something, it can be put there.

HANK In your pops' case, my spine fractured and crumbled like a building, so the doctors had to use cement to repair it. In a way, it's just like how that cracked wall in our house was renovated!

HANK holds LESLIE'S hand as they exit the lift. HANK is pushed towards the exit of the hospital. 

LESLIE Oh, I guess it's not that scary after all.

HANK Atta boy.

HANK winks at LESLIE. The doctor pushing HANK stops at the reception counter, leaving to get HANK'S medicine. 

LESLIE So, after this, we're going to volunteer with Habitat for Humanity?

HANK Yup! I swear you'll love it. When I first went to volunteer with them, it was an amazing experience.

LESLIE (worried) I hope you're right. I mean, being in a different country, no phones, no food, no friends. It's scary.

HANK Trust me, it seems scary but...

HANK puts a hand on his chest as his eyebrows crease. He tries to smile and opens his mouth to continue speaking but grimaces in pain instead.

LESLIE (more worried) Dad, are you okay?

HANK starts wheezing. He curls into himself on the wheelchair, struggling to breathe.

LESLIE (shouting) Help! I need help!

HANK starts jerking in the wheelchair as doctors run towards him. They wheel him to the emergency ward. LESLIE watches them with wide eyes and a worried expression.

SMASH TO:

HOUSE M.D. MAIN TITLE SEQUENCE

CUT TO:

INT. PRINCETON PLAINSBORO TEACHING HOSPITAL - DAY

HOUSE walks into the hospital, rushing towards the lift. He presses the buttons urgently, staring at the digital display panel at the top of the lift and seemingly willing it to become 1.

CUDDY joins HOUSE outside the lift.

CUDDY (looking at HOUSE) 48-year-old man, chest pain and difficulty breathing for 2 days. We had to put him on oxygen. ER ruled out all the usual suspects. 

HOUSE presses the lift button more urgently.

HOUSE Not interested.

CUDDY Why? 

CUDDY flips through the patient file.

CUDDY (quickly) He was recently diagnosed with a vertebral compression fracture and underwent a kyphoplasty at Princeton General to treat.

The lift arrives and both CUDDY and HOUSE enter. HOUSE pops a pill.

HOUSE If his spine can fail, then his ribs can too. Get a CT scan.

The lift arrives at HOUSE'S floor. CUDDY passes the patient file to HOUSE.

CUDDY Ask your team to get the CT scan.

CUDDY leaves and HOUSE watches her go.

CUT TO:

INT. DIAGNOSTICS DEPARTMENT - DAY

HOUSE 48-year-old, chest pain and "I can't breathe!" for 2 days. Got osteoporosis and miraculously, a kyphoplasty was lovingly bestowed on his charity-loving ass.

FOREMAN Charity-loving ass?

HOUSE Overheard the nurse's gossip. He's going to volunteer for Habitat with Humanity with his son. 

CAMERON What's wrong with wanting to expose your son to different environments? You had the same experience when your father was deployed to different countries.

HOUSE That was because he had to, we had to. He was assigned. This nutjob is going there for fun.

CHASE He's going there to build houses. 

CAMERON For the homeless.

HOUSE (gushingly) Oh shut up, you lovebirds.

HOUSE Don't tell me there are absolutely no builders in, what, Uruguay.

FOREMAN (mockingly) Don't tell me there are absolutely no soldiers in, what, Uruguay.

HOUSE Not good ones.

FOREMAN stares at HOUSE, crossing his arms. FOREMAN scoffs and shakes his head.

HOUSE Since he's got osteo, he probably broke his ribs. Go get a CT scan.

CHASE Broke his ribs doing what? He was just discharged from the hospital. He couldn't have done anything strenuous--

HOUSE (sardonically) Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you know that ribs can spontaneously break due to something called osteo? Shocking, it's like something you learn in med school.

CHASE glares at HOUSE. CAMERON, CHASE and FOREMAN get up and leave the office.

HOUSE goes back into his private office. He sits down on his chair, rubbing his bad leg. A dragon, KIKI, pops its head out from a trash can.

HOUSE Hi.

KIKI jumps onto HOUSE'S desk and claws at his paperwork. The papers are shredded and fall off his desk, directly into the trash can.

HOUSE I like you already.

CUT TO:

INT. CT ROOM - DAY

CHASE Would you volunteer with Habitat for Humanity?

FOREMAN No.

CHASE turns on his chair to face FOREMAN.

CHASE So you think this guy is stupid too?

FOREMAN is silent for a while.

FOREMAN He shouldn't put his son in danger. Who knows how many pathogens he's going to be exposing him to. And the hospitals there are substandard at best.

FOREMAN (quietly) It's stupid.

CHASE scoffs in disbelief.

CHASE (under his breath) And you say you're not like House.

FOREMAN What did you say?

CHASE focuses on the CT scan results. His eyebrows are furrowed.

CHASE There's no cracks. His ribs are fine.

CHASE and FOREMAN stare at each other.

SMASH TO:

INT. WILSON'S OFFICE - DAY

WILSON (shouting) What is that?

HOUSE looks behind him.

HOUSE Nothing.

WILSON Not there, that!

HOUSE looks at where WILSON is pointing, KIKI. KIKI snarls at WILSON, approaching him with its tail poised to snap. WILSON screams.

HOUSE Oh, that. (laughs) That's your stand-in. Say hi.

WILSON shakes his head. He can't believe his eyes. KIKI exhales a puff of fire, singeing the edge of WILSON'S desk.

CHASE and FOREMAN enter.

FOREMAN CT scan's clean. It's not his ribs.

CHASE (staring at KIKI, incredulously) What is that?

HOUSE Her name's Kiki. She's replacing Wilson.

FOREMAN If it's not his ribs, what's causing his chest pain?

There's silence. KIKI jumps onto WILSON'S display cabinet, knocking over one lego structure.

WILSON Hey! That was from one of my patients.

WILSON bends down to pick up the lego building.

HOUSE He works in construction.

FOREMAN, WILSON and CHASE look at HOUSE in confusion.

HOUSE The patient.

FOREMAN Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. It's COP-D.

HOUSE (to FOREMAN, sarcastically) I know that you hate cops, so I'll ask Cameron and Chase to do a spirometry.

FOREMAN glares at HOUSE and leaves WILSON'S office.

HOUSE (to KIKI) What a bitch.

KIKI yelps in approval while jumping off of WILSON'S display cabinet. HOUSE and KIKI strut off, leaving WILSON and CHASE in the office. 

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL WARD - DAY

CHASE and CAMERON enter. They walk towards the patient's bed. LESLIE looks up from his drawing of a dragon. 

LESLIE Is he gonna be okay?

CAMERON We think that he has COP-D, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. He probably got it from inhaling dust at work.

HANK But my boss always makes us wear masks.

CAMERON and CHASE look at each other.

CHASE Some particles could've sneaked past the mask, especially if you weren't wearing it properly.

HANK I did wear it properly! I swear it.

LESLIE stands up and walks to the patient's bed.

LESLIE Just let them do the tests, dad.

HANK Don't you believe me? I swear I wore it properly--

HOUSE enters, with KIKI following behind. HOUSE passes a mask to HANK. LESLIE goes over to KIKI, out of frame.

HOUSE Go on. Wear it.

HANK scoffs. He puts it on correctly.

HOUSE glances back at CAMERON and CHASE. 

HOUSE You don't have COP-D. Good for Foreman, bad for you. 

HOUSE And us. 'Cause we might just lose our jobs.

HOUSE turns around and spots LESLIE playing with KIKI.

LESLIE She's so cute!

HOUSE (after a pause) How did you know it was a she?

LESLIE looks up at HOUSE with a guilty expression. HOUSE approaches LESLIE.

HOUSE You've been sneaking out behind your father's back, haven't you? Going to the Dragon Store?

LESLIE glances at HANK, then looks back at HOUSE, nodding. LESLIE is embarrassed. HOUSE scoffs with a smile.

HOUSE Klebsiella pneumoniae infection. Give him ceftriaxone.

HOUSE moves to leave.

LESLIE Wait. So you're saying that I made him sick?

HOUSE (after a pause) Yes.

LESLIE But I'm not sick, how could I have made him sick?

HOUSE Have you had diarrhea recently? Any stomach pain?

LESLIE Yes, but I thought that was normal.

HOUSE If I'm right, it's probably not. You got 2 types of bacteria from those dirty dragons--

KIKI snarls at HOUSE.

HOUSE Klebsiella pneumoniae and klebsiella oxytoca. But there's only room for one of them. Oxytoca colonized your colon. As for pneumoniae, well, you passed it on to pops here, causing him to choke on air.

HOUSE Next time, tell dad that you really want to see dragons instead of building houses for the poor.

HOUSE leaves. LESLIE looks sad.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL CAFETERIA - DAY

WILSON is eating a sandwich at a sofa booth. HOUSE enters and joins him, sitting opposite him. 

HOUSE I'm not the only one who's a fan of dragons here.

WILSON wipes his mouth with a napkin.

WILSON Did you bring your dragon into a patient's ward?

HOUSE shrugs. 

WILSON (exasperated) Do you know just how that dangerous that is? God, it shouldn't even be here, it could burn down the whole hospital!

HOUSE It's a she. And anyone here is capable of that. Just leave the gas on. Easy. Yet no one's done it yet. Amazing, huh?

WILSON sighs and taps his leg on the ground.

WILSON Well, where is she? Doesn't she need to eat too?

HOUSE Aw, you like her already.

HOUSE shakes his head while scoffing.

HOUSE And yes. She's eating this.

HOUSE snatches a sandwich from WILSON'S plate, gets up and leaves. WILSON rolls his eyes.

CUT TO:

INT. HOSPITAL WARD - DAY

HANK is undergoing respiratory distress. CHASE and CAMERON rush in and intubate him. 

CAMERON He's stabilized.

CHASE Allergy to ceftriaxone?

CAMERON Or he didn't pick up anything from the dragons.

CHASE and CAMERON look at LESLIE, who had been watching the entire time in guilty silence. 

LESLIE What's wrong with him?

CHASE and CAMERON glance at each other.

CUT TO:

INT. DIAGNOSTICS DEPARTMENT - NIGHT

HOUSE, CHASE, CAMERON and FOREMAN are sitting at the glass table. Their faces are scrunched up in concentration. They are thinking.

CHASE It could be an allergic reaction.

CAMERON Or maybe we were wrong, and the son didn't give his dad anything. We should forget infection.

FOREMAN And focus on what?

HOUSE He recently had a kyphoplasty.

The team turn to look at him.

HOUSE That's when you pour cement into a guy's spine, right?

FOREMAN Right. So?

HOUSE What if some of that cement entered his blood vessels, via his venous system, and caused a blockage in his heart?

CAMERON That would account for the chest pain and difficulty breathing.

FOREMAN And why he got worse on ceftriaxone. 

CHASE Allergic reaction is more likely. The chances of a cement embolism caused by kyphoplasty is 2%! Plus, the ER ruled out foreign bodies.

HOUSE Because there was no immune reaction to the cement. 

CHASE But he's not immunocompromised. 

HOUSE stares at CHASE.

CHASE He's divorced, spends his time either at work or volunteering.

HOUSE Yeah, leaving his kid at home, so he can...

HOUSE makes a suggestive gesture. 

HOUSE Get the cement out of his heart. 

CAMERON, CHASE and FOREMAN leave.

HOUSE And Chase.

CHASE stops, turning around to face HOUSE. He looks entirely done with HOUSE'S shit.

CHASE What?

HOUSE Get a list of our patient's sexual partners and tell them the good news, will you?

CHASE sighs and leaves.

HOUSE looks around to check if anyone's there.

HOUSE C'mon out.

KIKI saunters out from behind the whiteboard. She had been hanging on the back side the whole time. Claw imprints are seen on the white screen of the board.

HOUSE gets up and inspects the damage. KIKI yelps innocently at him, slurping up WILSON'S sandwich in one gulp.

HOUSE Well, I can always get a new one.

CUT TO:

INT. OPERATING ROOM - NIGHT

CHASE (to nurse) Suction. Obstruction at upper right quadrant of right ventricle, looks like it's from the aorta. 

CHASE (to FOREMAN) Could be the cement embolism.

CHASE uses a pair of forceps to remove the obstruction.

FOREMAN That's not cement.

CHASE Looks like... bone.

CHASE and FOREMAN look at each other.

CUT TO:

INT. DIAGNOSTICS DEPARTMENT - NIGHT

CHASE You were wrong, House. It was a piece of his bone blocking his blood flow, not cement.

HOUSE Right, right. Get on with your chastising and onto the differential.

CAMERON Autoimmune. His body's immune system is attacking his spine. It's what caused the vertebral compression fracture. 

CAMERON He doesn't have osteoporosis.

HOUSE Good for him. He can go back to building houses for poor Uruguayans in no time.

HOUSE Get an MRI of his joints and give him corticosteroids in the meantime.

CUT TO:

INT. MRI ROOM - NIGHT

CAMERON and FOREMAN are setting up the MRI. HANK is on the MRI bed.

CAMERON Just lay back and stay very still, alright? We'll be done in 5 minutes.

HANK Alright. 

HANK Um, wait. Can I ask what caused this... autoimmune disease? Was it from volunteering?

CAMERON (after a pause) No, not at all. But we'll have to get the results from the MRI to confirm the type of disease and its cause.

CAMERON But I don't think your volunteering had anything to do with it.

FOREMAN gives CAMERON a look. CAMERON presses a button on the MRI machine and HANK is moved inside. They enter the separate MRI room.

FOREMAN You sure like this guy.

CAMERON He's noble. He spends time with his kid doing good things. How can anyone not like him?

CAMERON Well, anyone but House.

FOREMAN gulps.

CAMERON This looks like ankylosing spondylitis. But he's 48.

CAMERON looks at FOREMAN.

CUT TO:

INT. WILSON'S OFFICE - NIGHT

CAMERON and FOREMAN rush into the office.

CAMERON MRI suggests ankylosing spondylitis.

HOUSE looks up from a medical journal. He takes off his reading glasses. KIKI is seated next to him, curled up in a ball.

HOUSE Then go treat with methotrexate.

CHASE stares at KIKI. Smoke leaves her nostrils, singeing parts of WILSON'S couch. 

CHASE But he's 48. Most people with AS are under 45. Plus, no evidence of back or joint pain. 

HOUSE (sardonically) He's a builder. Back and joint pain is probably the norm for him. 

HOUSE (urgently) Go and treat with methotrexate before his skeleton falls apart.

HOUSE stares at the smoke KIKI is exhaling.

CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC.

CAMERON But what caused his AS? We ran genetic tests and he didn't have the gene for...

HOUSE leaves WILSON'S office, letting the door swing shut behind him. KIKI, startled out of her slumber, chases after him.

CUT TO: 

INT. HOSPITAL WARD - NIGHT

HOUSE storms into the ward, followed by KIKI, CAMERON and FOREMAN. 

HOUSE What were you really doing in Uruguay? 

HANK Uruguay? What? I never--

HOUSE When you were volunteering with Habitat for Humanity. What were you really doing?

HANK looks at LESLIE. He gulps.

HANK I was building houses--

HOUSE Cut the bullshit. Do you want to live, or not? If you don't want your son being shipped off to foster parents, then you better tell us the truth.

HANK is anxious and panting for breath. He looks at LESLIE again. 

CAMERON House, don't--

HANK I smoked a bit with my friends.

HOUSE And by a bit, you mean 5 packs a day.

HANK Time passed so quickly, the packs just flew by. I didn't...

HANK looks at LESLIE with tears in his eyes.

HANK I'm sorry. I... Ever since your mom died, I've been struggling. I never really volunteered with Habitat for Humanity. But after the surgery, I really wanted to go with you. To change my life. Turn it around.

HANK I'm sorry.

There's a tense pause.

LESLIE So... it's going to be a first for both of us. (smiles) I'm fine with that.

HOUSE, CAMERON, KIKI and FOREMAN leave the hospital ward.

CAMERON Saying that he might die unless he answered you was totally unneccesary. 

HOUSE (popping a pill) Oh, it was.

CAMERON You just wanted to get your answer. Like you always do. It didn't matter why he had AS. You didn't have to expose him.

HOUSE But look at what happened! His son's fine with it, and in a few days they'll be merrily stacking bricks in Uruguay.

CAMERON What about the next patient? Will they be fine with that?

KIKI She's right. Remember that guy who shot you? He said it was because you revealed his cheating to his wife.

HOUSE That was a hallucination. And so is this. Because you can't talk.

KIKI This isn't a hallucination and yes, I can't talk. But...

KIKI ...you're not talking either.

CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC

CAMERON House? House! I can't hear you. Is something wrong?

CAMERON shakes HOUSE. 

CAMERON House!

DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES

SMASH TO:

CREDITS SEQUENCE