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exam anxiety

 There's a tightness in my chest .·´¯`(>▂<)´¯`·. 

It's like a vice around my heart, stomping down my appetite and chewing on my bottom lip. The anxiety stops me in my tracks, paralyzes me with guilt and the nagging desire to be easygoing. 

Pain pulsates in my heart. I tell myself it's just cholesterol build-up. 

I can't relax for a minute without feeling like I'm supporting, aiding in my undoing, like I'm destroying myself by taking a breather. Unrelenting is the pressure to be productive 24/7, to never waste a wink of time on mulling or scrolling. 

Since when did I start living in the future?

It's what everyone talks about. Or maybe it's just me, maybe I'm the one steering the conversation in that direction. Maybe I'm the problem? 

Perhaps it's natural. The teachers won't stop mentioning it, and that undoubtedly influences the students' mindsets. The exams are no longer a hazy cloud, undefined. They're here, and they're real. The threat is looming.

Recently, my peers have been saying that I'm smart. I'm not. But that's what they think of me. Why do I care what they think of me? All that matters is what I think of myself. And my opinion is not positive. 

I don't think I'm stressed. It's just that sometimes I am. It's normal to feel stressed sometimes, so long as it doesn't chew on your insides and scramble your faculties. 

This rant was brought on by my loss of appetite. I could hardly swallow my dinner of curry potatoes and hard pork. My mother had attributed it to exam stress, but now I'm thinking that it may be withdrawal symptoms from not watching House M.D. for a day.

Yes, now you know the horrid truth. Yesterday night, I slept early and skipped my nightly House episode. 

It wasn't my fault! School had ended late that day, and I simply couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. 

Tonight, I'm feeling better. Be it due to my consultation with my Chinese teacher or the early dismissal, I am ready to watch House! 

Now that I'm thinking about it, I might be similar to House (the character) in that I need routine. Just look at what has happened when my nightly House episode routine was ruined for just a day!

But then again, aren't we all suckers for routine? (￣3￣)

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